She bought him flowers

The sun is shining and the clouds accumulate in the sky forming rolling white ships which cast their shadows over the backyard. My hands rest on a knife which is cutting garlic for the dish I am making.

A Mediterranean pasta with roasted garlic chicken.

I stared out among the manicured yard, bushes cut perfectly and flowers spring from every ounce of space that needed color. Then you come out. Wearing a bright yellow sundress. You bounce happily down the steps into your French patio furniture. To where he sits.

I avert my eyes for a moment. Memories, feelings, emotions, hidden, and smashed to the bottom of my heart come scrapping back. Tugging, pinching, clawing. My gaze swings back. You both look a bit serious. He sips his coffee and you break into a smile and your laughter flows through the air and into my kitchen.

So close.

He pulls you close, kisses you.

Those lips I had felt. Those hands I held. That skin that grazed mine. My eyes close. How did you end up next to me. Tormenting me. Millions of square miles. Millions of houses. You end up in my backyard.

I hear the front door open.

My wife stumbles in all glee and laughs. She glides over to me and hugs me from behind. Back from a business trip.

I can smell him. She has been drenched for to long in his scent to notice. But I do. I always do.

She doesn’t say much, she just runs up stairs to take a shower.

My mind is full of fantasies and events that I play out in a Technicolor dream. Then your laughter comes again and my soul sinks further and further. A pit that seems to only grows. I bring the knife up to look at my reflection. Half of a miserable person gloom back at me. How can I feel? This situation I am once again in.

I love you,

It’s ruining my life.

I grip the knife.

This is based on the song by Taylor Swift ft Post Malone Fortnight

The vibe of the song is fun with that constant 1980’s synth in the background. The Music Video is pretty sweet as well.

Connections and love are hard things. When it doesn’t work out or that one night of passion is over, it is not like you can forget it. The mind might forget or attempted to bludgeon the memory out of it, but the heart will always remember. I think that is what makes so tough. No matter how much you run, the heart will carry the memories and feelings.

I am sure this song has been analyzed to death,but I love the cycle that it presents. The love, the lost, the trying to move on (being unsuccessful) The lingering feelings and the thought of a crime of passion. Pain and suffering, love and lust, ying and yang. As we live the context gives us the highs and lows. One without the other, does not remain.

Hope all those broken hearts and crying souls remedy with time. Here is some tea and biscuits to help mend!

Till next time ~

Spring Time Complications

“Please stop, please stay, I really can’t be with out you” These are the words that I wish I could say. The sound struck my throat ,which swelled, and cut any off audible words I could form. Would I see you again if you disappeared this time? What if I did see you again, but you were with some one else. What if you were happier, brighter, glowing. Was is it my fault? Am I the problem? Or is it our problem? I look into your eyes which are dripping mascara.

What went wrong? How did we get here? Those nights, the long days. Forgiveness and regret. Lying in the morning light together. How on earth did it come this far. The moments I remember are all good, but as soon as I wipe those tears away all the bad memories come crashing down. As soon as my arms wrap around you I can’t wait to be alone.

I wish it would start raining. Give me some drama. The sun shines bright, birds singing, people laughing, living. I at one time fought for this. Nervousness filled me the first time we met. I couldn’t talk back then either. My throat swelled for a different reason. Maybe this time the colors will come back to your eyes. Will time heal? One can only find out. Let my memories reflect and learn from this, but never forget the trauma. I am a combination of pain and pleasure. A culmination of rights and wrongs.

You turn and walk away. My heart pulls after you. My body pulls away. My mind stands confused. Good bye. Good Luck. I hope I don’t ever see you again. I don’t know if my heart could take it.

Inspired by Can’t let you go by Anthony Sidoti, Kaiyko, Sinxi